LUX.ET.UMBRA

When Mike from 8 Asians posted “Why Asian Guys Can’t Get White Girls” and post the Wong Fu video below, I practically busted my sides out. If anyone ever wants a sneak peak inside Asian American culture, Wong Fu has it down pat.

Here’s ten reasons why in the end, white girls should really be considering those handsome young Asian studmuffins:

1. Have you seen Ascension dance? Didn’t know Asian guys can move like that did ya? Motion in the ocean. Motion in the ocean.
   
2. I’m straight and all, but I tell you what. If you don’t find Takeshi Kaneshiro a looker, you got something wrong with ya. We all look like that. *cough* Seriously. Just squint a little. We might not all be Prada models but we’re all pretty good knockoff Prada models.
   
3. Regardless of what people say about model minority, as a whole, we still make more money in the end.
   
4. Sean Connery has its moments I suppose, but do you really love those gorilla moments? I mean, the last thing you’d want to say is…. “Dear, you’re shedding all over the nice leather couch again.”
   
5. Ever notice that wealthy people all love classical music for whatever reason? Violin and piano is in our blood. Might be beaten in, but you don’t need to know that.
   
6. You know you always wanted a license plate that read: “YLWFEVER” or “AZNLOVER”.
   
7. Body odor? What’s that?
   
8. We’re stealthy. Ninjas anyone? We’re talking lawnmowing-fu here. You didn’t even know it was done, and suddenly… BLAM! It’s done and all you saw was the suddenly cut grass move with the breeze a little.
   
9. We’re not picky eaters. You ever seen smelly tofu? Yeah. If anyone can eat that, they’ll eat anything. We even eat raw stuff.
   
10. Last but not least… we all have secret VIP accounts at Sanrio.

So there you have it. Everything you want in a man. And that’s us. No white guy has anything on that! Are you missing out? I’d say so. So sign up today! One per household. Restrictions may apply.
If you haven’t figured out the above is supposed to be humorous, I would imagine that your life is too stressed out and you need to chill. Life’s a fortune cookie! You gotta crack it open and play the numbers while learning to say “JI” [chicken].

Tags: Humor, Society // Comments